so this is it, the life that i’m given

these are my friends, the men and women

pressing on, pulling together. plowing through inclement weather.

i prevail, going on, broken poetry and dead beat songs

and as i feel my energy depleted, i refuse to be defeated.

cuz, so many have given up, accepted life as an empty cup

but no not me. manifest my destiny 

out accross an openland, occupied by trees not man

endless oceans of dirt and sand, 

my mouth is dry, but i keep spitten

until those ignored can shine and glisten

what do you define as opportunity, 

who is given more…you or me?

wait scratch that, doesn’t really matter

you take what you got, appetizer or platter

feed empty stomach, send waste to the bladder

lift up the weak and labels you shatter

because nothing makes society sadder

then watching lower class collapse underneath disaster

watching the rich gain power faster

vegitate, as they destroy the future

we sit back and watch from our computers

screen, are we this detatched?

so uninformed from actual facts

so unsure if our happiness will last?

so easily we feed average addictions

as a quick fix to our human condition

fast food chains; worsen or ease the pain?

these reality tv insecurities entertain

cuz as long as they’re worse off than myself

i can toil, i can accept my wealth

i am trained by past leaders mistakes

i absorb the wake from the quake.

i push in where i can’t relate

i must give before i can take.

is that the plan?

present that one to the man,

he’s up there and this is where i stand.

to feel one’s pain, interjection

through the daily grind, we learn life’s lessons

because true love can’t be taught,

true love is a fleeting thought

like a butterfly you can catch,

held too long, next thing it’s dead

and i, can’t be destroyed

i hope once i’m gone, i still spread joy

the opposite of death ain’t life my friend, it’s brith

success doesn’t necessarily determine worth

yet we work so hard for it

until we’re put back in this earth

then friends cry like weeping willows

tears absorbed by loved one’s pillows

it’s all a process by which we abide,

go on strong until we die

but for what? you define

go with gut, you decide

you say it’s not that bad,

then all things proceed to get worse

i bite my tongue when i get sad

inhale, exhale, inhale, burst

innocence, lost so long ago

the coming years after i left chicago

the time my grandmothers blood dried up

the time i thought id had enough

i almost lost what i never had,

i almost let this make me mad.

one day i’ll grow into man,

but for now i am still a child.

search far, just running wild

and now i still look up to my father,

where other children do not bother,

i attempt to see the future, 

peeking through my loves ones past

trying shoes on, walking their paths

so many questions still to ask.

i admit, i once held an empty cup

until i decided to fill it up,

until i took life into my hands,

until i found out where i stand

it’s your choice, rules for the breaking

its your life, here for the taking.

if you can’t see, you must be clouded,

just lay back, your thoughts are crowded

just step back, and look at your own life from a different angle

don’t let your hopes and dreams get strangled

by bleak futures, we all get depressed.

we all bury feelings deep in our chest

we all get stuck in self-built nests

but then we break through, we break free

through the clouds, we can see

maybe things they aren’t that bad, 

i’m still here, feeling glad

because without the pain, i couldn’t be grateful

my path’s tracks trains, and i stay faithful

don’t give up, can’t give up…

some might say they never give up

i can’t just say, just live this day

to fill content into my cup.

if you don’t like me, then you can just back off
your condescending comments are overflowing out the melting pot
and if you don’t like my words, then you can put em’ in reverse
and just accept the truth on earth as anything the opposite of what i believe.
it’s high relief: some backdropped symbolism,
climbing through your window, into your bed, so you can swindle with him
im into some hot tea with a textbook outlining minor flaws
of our existence to be blamed on a handful of gods,
with their arms outstretched to hold our hands and lead us backwards,
then close their eyes and turn their cheeks the second we see disaster. 
yeah, we’ll blame it on them again: because we’re to proud too blame ourselves.
the same pride that kept lassie barking down the wrong well,
to save a girl who’s pride taught her to always fear hell, 
that same false sense of pride teaches her that beauty is what sells. 
i know a lot of girls and boys who are convinced appearances define who they are,
they know they’re not searching for something real when they go out to hit the bar. 
i guess some people will just keep searching for something that is obviously not there,
because the thought of feeling something real keeps a lot cats of scared.
it’s that false sense keeping these kids thinking they’re better than me,
because they get off on flattery and words they hear on tv.
i understand that my viewpoint has been shaped by my environment,
mistakes in my past, the fire in my heart, and the people who inspire it…
the same goes for you too, 
the only thing is………. 
you look at me like i’m the fool.

i wake up to a brighter light in the morning.

a reminder of daybreak or more so a warning

get out of bed to this weight on my feet,

i got a hungry heart, a mouth to feed.

for now, i see the centerpiece of my life as fiction

so i can keep my eyes peeled wide and listen

the fact is, most lack it

perfecting the process through practice to try and crack this

just know, some cats struggle through the madness

juggling their day between hunger and sadness

it’s not an easy game, not for any of us kid

well maybe for some of em but they live cursed with

the convenience of never questioning themselves

or the need to express for spiritual health

yeah for now i’d just sit back tight and relax

who knows how long that ignorant bliss is gonna last. 

yes mom, this is just me

scratching at my chest trying to let something free

ive been sleeping on this, i just want it to come out

it’s projected as a cluster of words out of my mouth

and the second that i spit it out im feeling unsure

about that line between what’s intended - what’s heard

i swear i never used to feel this insecure

please extend the deadline, i need more time to learn

words are only as powerful as those who speak

and deadlines are created to put pressure on the weak

so i can ween myself off with a common lack of confidence

while others go with gut, quick thoughts come from common sense

i can’t treat this like an unsolved mystery.

one of those flooks that got lost in history

i think that this problem can be disected to the bone

but i can’t take this task all on my own

there’s gotta be somebody else out there who wants to know

where the mind floats when our eyes finally close

maybe to a place where we can settle for less

maybe a spot where we can finally rest

where does my mind go, when there’s no body home

answers left unknown leave the seeker blown

no sleep, sleep is for the sheep,

my desire to leave manifests behind these concrete feet

Yeah it’s a lifelong journey for me, trudging like a packrat through puddles and streams .Carrying a backpack tearin at the seams, filled with the fabric of my childhood dreams. Sometimes I feel im sinking, buckling under pressure,  not a spare second to steal a feeling of pleasure. While others obsess and get lost in the rat race, I make haste to my own steady pace-keep my nose to the grindstone but never save face. separate my meals but i never say grace. cuz i never know when that bite will be my last, and every minute i step on’s just another in the past. i only got this, life it’s gone soon, so i create tracks under the light of the moon. some say i make it look so damn easy, it’s not, i never bicker at the life my mother gave me.

you’re shining bright on me with your skin so pale
i’m wearing avacado underneath my fingernails
it’s been a year since i said i’d move on from this place,
but i just can’t leave that endearing face.
i miss the times that left us hungry,
when our stomachs weren’t filled with strictly money
burned with every careless spliff
i’ll hold you’re hand when you’re slipping off that cliff.

my head is soaked in innocence, standing on this shakey fence 
between a comfortable home and learning who i really am when i’m alone. 

it’s been a year since i quit cigarettes
but i still cough up flem and spit
im cluttered in a room full of smoke
forgetting most the words you spoke
i know you’re looking for something new
but, when you leave here, who will follow you?
the ghost of getting drunk beside the river?
or the loneliness that plagues the winter?

i know i’m excited for the future, i guess i’m just afraid of becoming the biggest loser. but you have to go for “it” if you’ve got “it”…..before all of your dreams go rotten.

it goes a little something like this….go to school or start working, cuz either way your wallet’s hurting. the more money the more problems and i don’t know how to solve them, i just keep pushing myself further in.

yeah, when i grow up i wanna be just like him. fast car, big house, beautiful wife and kids….yeah he’s a real winner. wait nah.

i’ve got to work hard, but for what? material gratification…that comes and goes; i want real sustinance.  maybe i can’t see it but i sure as hell can feel it…if i work hard i can be it…because there’s no way i can steal it. (yall know i’ve tried)

you see, success isn’t based on your bank account or your addiction to nice things….it’s your ability to create happiness and let it spread like wings. i spent so much time wondering, why i wasn’t enthused….it’s because i was working for someone elses dream, man i was being used. i woke up every morning, dreading the day ahead….aching for the moment that i could lie back down in bed. I was not happy where I was

yeah i realized….success is just a word; a means that leads to an end. and most people work so hard for it until the day they’re dead. and most people aren’t happy, at least most people i know. because most people don’t stop and think, they just continue to go. middle school, high school, college, work…..man do you ever rest? then you take on a family….but was it for the best?

was it for you….or for your status…

i’ve got a couple friends…and inside they’re nearly deceased…because they let the drive take over, infect them like a disease….their goals were shaped my money, aspirations formed by greed.  and they ate the shit up, until nickels and dimes they bleed. they based that perfect life on someone elses dreams, and then fed into a system that kills the land and the trees. they forgot about their people, yeah cats like you and me…that still gotta scrape by to make our ends meet.

but you know what, community is absolutely everything. the people, yeah you and me. you have countless times, showed me what happiness really means. you have picked me up when i am down, dragged me through this dying scene…even when i felt my life falling apart at the seams. this journey my friends is so much more fun than seeing the end. and observing the love that each and every person is willing and able to lend. it’s made me who i am, defined how i breath; and lets me know that it was all worth it the day that i finally leave.

see i can always rely on my friends, to show me what true love is. why this life is worth living….and why to embrace being a kid. because when you grow up to fast…you forget your past; and money will drive you away….into a controlled mindset that treats your creativity as excess waste. and i will continue to say it a million times over, in a million different ways, i will continue to say it everyday until my youth has wilted away….you cannot solely live for yourself because happiness, my friends, will never….under any circumstance, truly be defined by your personal wealth.

and we can buy, and we can purchase all the love that we need
as well as happiness and a smile to suite our greed
In a house where all the light shines through a few cracks
like gas and fumes flowing through a smokestack
where a cut can bleed for years upon years
and that gash may be wider than it actually appears

and in this house there was a father, who fought a great war
and everynight he would journey to the liqour store
he would tell his small children many a tale
about saving the world in great detail
but one night, quite drunk, the bastard put on his boots
stumbled into the rain that eroded the roots
of the tree the old man swurved his truck into
sometimes you cant hold together lies with just glue
it takes months and months of patience till a lie takes its hue
but you know when you fib, and tell stories not true…
the past will take its toll and in the end kill you….

Remember gula-gula island: the reality show reject louw for washed-up celebrities and outcast sluts?
A ballroom filled with beautiful women and toned men
Gorgeous brides maids with dull blades, exquisite shades drawn open by the boom of grenades
Wake up to a sunshine through bullet holes in your honeymoon sweet
and look there’s Alex Tribeck; he’s got his game face on
You know he’s got that distintive grin
The grin that becomes even more chilling when you see the icepick in his hand
and bob barker in a pool of red water
Tomorrow the authorities will find his new virgin mobile phone; 
a text message to Alex:
“Ive bn doin this lnger thn u, 
Ill alwayz b da best,
DA PRCE IZ RITE BIT#H! u triflin canadian bastard”
Glue your red eyes to the screen for another season of your favorite love stories:
-Will Ryan bang Theresa?
-“that black bitch”
-will he eat the cow testicles for a million dollars?
Does this make us feel better about ourselves? There are beautiful people, then there are fatsos who 
try to lose a couple pounds for our laughter.(this being the representation of our great blood red, offwhite, and polluted water blue)
Maybe I’ll take more time doing my hair when i get up from bed tomorrow morning.

I hope this bullshit is true. and you only sing for another bird to regurgitate his love into your beautiful beak.


Let’s wackoff to the sun like she’s a beautiful supermodel.
Pretend she didn’t lose her virginity to the sea intoxicated by alcohol; that toxic waste, that lustful taste. 
But to be truthful, I can’t complain
if every man went by his word then id be left with too many metaphors to swallow and you would remain too horny to follow. 
I am fortunate to know that these lies are repetitious lines laid from the vicious guys as between her thights.

Her catastrophic orgasm shatters the city. She is the 9-11 of the pornography industry or just the girl next door. I shit you not, if we ever find this raw natural bare-ass beauty, the disease in our society, We will all be plagued with the same profane, soiled and grimey matter that we never want our children to ever see.

Cotton candy, concrete bricks
From the tops of skyscrapers that make me sick
Root Beer rivers of blood and sweat
Toys ‘R’ Us child-safe cigarettes
Snowy Mountaintops perfect for sniper shots
Upon wealthy spring breakers on their eloquent yachts 
New taxes on loving under the age of 83
To pay for new plastic, pseudo, yet beautiful trees
Manipulative scams to heist the Mall of America
For counterfeit toys promoting childhood erotica
Dress lifeless bodies with tight designer jeans
Boot-cut, faded, not too dirty, not too clean
For the “Damn, she looks good!” or “Boy, she looks hot!”
New ways to beat your children with words and neglect
“Sit down! Shut up! Eat your food! I’ll break your neck!”
Gorgeous-Pretty, Gangrenous make-up
Cover up-Hair Dye, Eyeliner, (wake-up!)
Killer bees attracted to manual labor
Broken arms, shattered spines, Indonesian factories, kill your neighbor 
Arms bend back, hearts implode, fingers dislocate, souls are sold

So vindicate your cause to a despicable life, give new meaning to bullets in flight
Hide your daughters, lock your doors, buy more merchandise you marketing whores.

“its kinda like when i stare at you and you look back and retaliate with that fake split-second smile and i know youre thinking “i wonder what he’s thinking, why won’t he stop staring.” and im like “whatever, shes probably like {stop looking at me, creep.} I wish she would look back at me with some kind of affection in her eyes.”


but you’re really quite pretty to look at. despite belief.”

i suppose it was written as a fleeing thought from a sexually repressed teenager; but it definitely still flys to this day.